The Texas Saints

As a psychologist and counselor practicing in the Woodstock-Cary-Algonquin-Crystal Lake and Lake in the Hills areas of Illinois, I find that there are 21 essentials you can expect when receiving counseling for problems in your blended family.

But first, what are the signs of blended family problems?

1.Conflicting parenting practices between biological and stepparents

2.Child rejects the stepparents disciplinary practices

3.Biological parent foments dislike for stepparent

4.Biological and stepparent compete for power and control

5. Conflict develops among the children in the blended family

6. Ex-spouse interferes with the blended familys lifestyle

7. Childs behavior problems become personalized by the adults, causing fracture within the family system

If this sounds like your family, you should seek counseling. But when you begin treatment, what will your counselor do? How does marriage and family counseling for blended families work?

1.Your therapist will help you to identify the positives and negatives of the stepparents disciplinary procedures..

2.You counselor will create a neutral zone so family members can express themselves without fear of retaliation.

3.Your therapist may train you in certain communication skills to build the relationship between relevant spouses.

4.The marriage or family counselor will likely facilitate a healthy dialogue among disgruntled children and any step or adoptive parent.

5.Your family or marital counselor will likely help the children explore any feelings of conflict or disloyalty regarding biological parents.

6.Your psychologist or counselor will probably facilitate a healthy release of any of the childrens fear of abandonment or displaced anger that may be inhibiting acceptance of their stepparents directives.

7.Parents will be helped to identify and resolve conflicts between themselves in parenting strategies.

8.The stepparents disciplinary strictness or rigidity will be assessed as to whether it may be creating resistance on the part of the child.

9.Your therapist may assess the degree to which an ex-spouse may be unfairly blamed for parenting problems existing within the blended family.

10.The counselor will help the parents identify and resolve any insecurity or jealousy regarding warmth displayed between a parent and stepchild.

11.Your psychologist may invite a former spouse or biological parent into a joint session with other biological or stepparents in order to discuss and resolve differences in parenting philosophies and techniques.

12.You may be asked to consider any potential manipulation of the child in playing one parent against the other for territorial or power advantages.

13.The children will likely be reassured that they are not responsible for their parents conflicts and that these conflicts do not reflect adversely on their parents love for them.

14.The children may be asked to express directly or through a letter the foundation of their feelings for being treated unfairly by a stepparent.

15.You may be encouraged to negotiate with the children as to actions that they may perceive as fairer to them.

16.Your therapist may suggest a list of special activities that the parent and stepchildren can do to reduce any feelings of alienation.

17.Parents may be encouraged to behave assertively toward children from whom they are afraid of receiving a negative response.

18.The therapist may help you to identify self-defeating patterns relevant to your parenting skills that may exist in your blended family and suggest ways of modifying them.

19.The therapist may prescribe psychological testing for some members of the family, children or parents, to expose any factors that may be neglected in isolating the causes of the family strife.

20.You will be helped to identify sources of ongoing support and reassurance to effectively improve and hone your parenting skills.

21.If you are engaging in any unusual parenting strategies, their methods and effects will be reviewed to be sure that they are contributing efficiently to the well-being of the family.

Weight training can be a fun and energizing way to maintain strength, lose weight, and keep a healthy, good-looking body. Listed below are a few tips on setting up a great muscle-building, fat-burning workout.

The 640+ muscles of the body are divided into upper body muscles and lower body muscles. The upper body has a greater number of muscles but they are smaller than those of the lower body. The largest muscles are contained in the lower body and subsequently, there are fewer of them.

To work each group properly for maximum results, we need to work them a little differently. Let me explain. An “exercise” is a series of movements that either pushes or pulls a weight through a range of motion. A “repetition” is one complete movement through that particular exercise. A “set” is a grouping of repetitions. So, each exercise is done in repetitions which are part of a set. You can work each of the muscle groups one at a time, doing one set per group, and rest for 30-60 seconds before repeating the routine. This series is called a “circuit.”

While all sets of exercise will be done in repetitions, the amount of repetitions and sets can change. For best results, each body part should be exercised 2-3 times a week but NEVER on consecutive days. The muscles require at least 24-48 hours of recovery time for optimal performance.

Upper body muscles need to be trained at 8-15 repetitions per set for a total of 2-3 sets. Lower body muscles are trained at 8-15 repetitions per set for a total of 3-4 sets. Circuits can be repeated 3-4 times. The lower body muscles are worked harder because they are larger and can adapt to a higher load more rapidly than the upper body muscles.

To set a good training weight load, men should do 75% of the absolute maximum that they can handle for 1-3 repetitions in each exercise. Women should only use a weight that is approximately 60% of her maximum.

It’s really hard to overtrain your abdominal muscles since you use them all day in twisting, turning, and other torso movements. So, your abdominal muscles can be worked 4-7 times per week. Studies have shown that using a variety of crunching exercises is the best workout for the abdominal muscles. Do the 10 Crunch Variations listed and you’ll have rock-hard abdominals. Do 1-2 sets of 10 repetitions for each of the 10 crunches and you’ll hit every abdominal muscle. Remember to focus on proper form and the intensity of the exercise instead of the number of repetitions or sets. You will definitely feel a “burn” in the abdominal muscles on each set. Keeping your arms crossed on your chest with your hands on the opposite shoulder, you should lift only your head and shoulders up off the floor. This technique will not cause the typical pain in your neck or back.

Stretching is extremely important, both before and after a workout. It avoids injury and helps release toxins caused by the stress of working out. So make sure that you stretch to keep from aching after a workout and you’ll increase the likelihood that you’ll be back for more.

Below is a list of the most common exercises used to tone and strengthen each muscle group. Start out slowly using 1-2 exercises each for the various muscles. As you progress, add more exercises for variety and challenge.

EXERCISES FOR THE UPPER BODY

Chest/Shoulders: Front deltoid raise, lateral deltoid raise, Bent rear deltoid raise, Dumbbell shrug, Upright row, Bench press, Flyes, Inclined press, Dumbbell pullover, Parallel dip, Cable crossover

Back: Chin-up, Lat Pull-down, Bent barbell row, Bent one-arm dumbbell rows, Seated cable row

Arms: Biceps curl, Preacher curl, Machine curl, Cable curl, Triceps dip, Triceps pressdown, French curl

EXERCISES FOR THE LOWER BODY

Legs/Buttocks: Squats, Lunges, Leg press, Leg extensions, Leg lifts, Leg curls, Calf raises

Abdominals: Abdominal crunches in all 10 variations, Abdominal flexor machine, Leg lifts, Leg scissors

10 CRUNCH VARIATIONS

1. Knees bent, feet flat on floor

2. Knees bent and out to sides in a frog-leg position, soles of feet flat together

3. Legs at 90o to body, knees bent, calves parallel to floor

4. Legs at 90o to body, knees bent and out to sides in a frog-leg position, soles of feet flat together

5. Legs at 90o to body, toes pointing to ceiling

6. Legs at 90o to body, toes pointing to ceiling with legs spread wide

7. Left leg straight and held 3” off ground, right leg bent to chest

8. Right leg straight and held 3” off ground, left leg bent to chest

9. Turn on left side, do side crunches

10. Turn on right side, do side crunches

This article is just a small portion of an eight week online class that I teach called ‘The Answer’s Right Under Your Nose.’ You can find out more under the Personal Coaching section of my website – www.jerryryanphd.com.